


Are You the Future, or Are You a Memory?

by i-wanna-be-your-last (hmweasley)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, YouTuber Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/i-wanna-be-your-last
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of five, Harry learned what it meant to lose your best friend to other people. But he wasn't all that great at letting go.</p><p>When Louis posts his first Youtube video after starting university, Harry's in awe. He watches every single one with pride of Louis' channel becomes more and more successful. Winding up at the same university could be an agent of fate, but Harry's not so sure when Louis is so intent on avoiding him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You the Future, or Are You a Memory?

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the thing. I had the first idea that turned into this more than a year ago, but then all of the Youtube scandals started happening. After that, writing this felt like it might be a bad idea depending on how I handled it. As you can obviously tell, I wrote it, but as someone who quite admires so many of the victims in what happened, I feel like I have to add on this note.
> 
> In this story, Louis is Youtube "famous" (whatever that means to you), and yes, Harry is a fan even though they are childhood friends. I don't find anything inherently wrong with a Youtuber and a fan dating. It can be fine, but there is an important caution here. Depending on the personality (and, quite often, age) of the fan, a Youtuber can, as anyone who has paid attention to any of this, can easily use the power dynamic there to their advantage. Not everyone in real life will, and I've always done my best not to portray anything problematic (although we're never perfect) in this story. However, on some off chance someone reading this ever winds up in a relationship with a Youtuber: Be safe. If they start trying to use their "fame" as a way to manipulate you or make you think you're less than them or do absolutely anything else to hurt you, then please get away from them. I know it's not always easy, but I hope anyone reading this who's in any sort of abusive relationship does manage to escape as soon as they can.
> 
> If you have no idea what I'm talking about with all of this or even if you do but want more information, I highly recommend the Tumblr called [Youtube Speaks](http://youtubespeaks.tumblr.com/). They have a list of all of the Youtubers who have been accused of abuse as well as other resources both to learn more and to help victims.
> 
> Despite all of this, I swear this story has a happy ending, and you won't see any of that here. Like I said, I've tried my hardest not to portray Louis as so much as trying to assert power of Harry because of his position as a well-known Youtuber. I hope I've succeeded.

Harry had been home from school for a whole fifteen minutes, and all he’d done was pout on the porch. His mum had tried in vain to get him to eat a snack, but Harry had refused. Snacks were for him and Louis, but there was no Louis today.

Ages ago, Harry had been excited to start school. He’d been lonely since Louis started going, and he’d been so excited to finally get to spend his entire day with his best friend again. His mum and Louis had both tried explaining that he and Louis would be in different classes, but Harry had been so sure they’d still get to see each other. After all, Louis and Harry lived in different houses but still got to see each other. What difference would classrooms make?

Apparently, they made a lot of difference. Two years ago, Harry had started school, and at first he and Louis hadn’t even been in the same school. The spark of excitement Harry had felt for school diminished. It had reawakened briefly once he was able to go to school in the same building as Louis, but as Harry had learned this year, it still didn’t make any difference.

He’d catch glimpses of Louis here or there, playing with all his school friends. Sometimes he’d wave at Harry, but far more often, he wouldn’t even notice Harry was there. Louis was always busy with something else, with other people. He didn’t have time to scope out the school for Harry every day.

But Harry sure had time to do so for Louis.

Sure, Harry played with the other kids. Nina, especially, was a lot of fun, but she still wasn’t Louis. No one could be Louis. Harry had known that from the start.

Louis had been there since Harry was born as both a next-door neighbor and a best friend. The idea that Louis was older had never crossed Harry’s mind until school entered the picture. Now it seemed to be there ruining everything. Harry was constantly left behind, and there was nothing to do about it.

But through all of that, they’d always had snack time. From the first day Louis had started school, he came to Harry’s right after getting home to eat a snack. It was the most important constant of their friendship. School could separate them, but they’d always get to see each other afterward.

Then stupid Kirsten had invited Louis over to her house after school to play, and Louis had gone. He’d broken their tradition with only a short explanation to Harry. It hadn’t been a big deal to Louis.

“We do it every day, and we’ll do it lots in the future,” he’d said.

Harry had nodded along while trying to blink back tears.

Louis always knew when Harry was about to cry. He read the signs better than Harry’s mum. But he hadn’t noticed a single one of them that day, had just smiled and ran off without glancing back at Harry.

As he sat on his front porch hoping in vain that Louis would show up out of nowhere to play, Harry first realized that Louis wasn’t going to be there for him all the time.  
If his mum noticed the red rings around his eyes when he came back inside, she didn’t comment on it.

XX

Several months later, Louis hadn’t missed a single one of their snack times. He was there every day as usual, and Harry was happy. But there was still this feeling in his mind that he was losing Louis.

Louis had stories about what had happened at school each day, and there was a full cast of characters in the form of Louis’ schoolmates. It all sounded cooler than what he did with Harry. They sounded cooler than Harry.

Harry knew Louis loved him. He really did. Louis liked to remind Harry that he was his best friend all the time, and Harry believed him. He knew deep down in his heart that he was special to Louis in a way that Louis’ school friends weren’t, and Harry would always have that.

But he was still losing more and more of Louis’ attention, and he didn’t like it. By now it was hard to imagine that it would change. Growing older seemed to mean little more than spending less time with your best friend. Harry hated it.

Gemma was only a year older than Louis, and her old best friend had stopped coming around last year. Gemma had moved on, and despite her trying to explain, none of it made sense to Harry. All he got from it was that he should expect to see less of Louis as they got older. He had to make sure Louis knew how much he loved him so that he’d never think Harry didn’t want him around.

Nothing in all this planning involved Louis moving away. Nothing in Harry’s vision of the future accounted for Louis no longer being next door. People were supposed to live in houses forever, not leave them.

Harry had known something was wrong when Louis tugged him into the backyard after school instead of to the kitchen for snacks. This time he wasn’t angry at Louis for breaking tradition because he was bringing Harry along for the breaking. The important part of snack time was them being together.

Louis had crawled into the bushes, finding a spot behind them to crouch down and look at Harry. Only then did Harry pay enough attention to notice that Louis looked nervous. It was such a rare look on him that it was an obvious one. Louis was fearless. He was the one who boosted Harry up. He wasn’t supposed to look like that, and it made Harry nervous too.

“Louis,” Harry began cautiously, causing Louis’ eyes to flicker between him and the ground.

Harry’s mind began to wonder what could have Louis looking like that. The last time he’d had that expression, Louis had found out Lottie was coming, and he’d been scared he wouldn’t be a good big brother. Harry had been able to cheer him up then by pointing out how much their cat loved Louis. He wondered if he could do the same thing this time. He knew he’d try his hardest.

“Mum and Dad had a family meeting last night,” Louis said. “With me and baby Lottie. They had important news.”

He paused here, and Harry noticed he was chewing on his lip. For a minute, he’d been worried that Louis was going to tell him he didn’t have any time at all for him anymore. Harry had tried telling himself that wouldn’t happen a million times, but he didn’t fully believe it.

If a family meeting was bothering Louis though, then it couldn’t be about Harry. Louis wasn’t getting rid of him; he just wanted Harry’s help.

“What was the meeting about?” Harry asked, trying to sound happy to make Louis happy too.

Louis didn’t look happy though. If anything, he looked sadder at Harry's happiness, and he stared at the ground as he continued talking.

“You know how there’s going to be a new baby?” He continued without looking up to see Harry’s nod. “Dad says he took a new job, one that will help us have more money for the new baby. He says it’s a good thing, but it means we have to leave, Harry. We have to go to a different village. One far away, I think.”

Harry couldn’t do anything but stare at Louis. Never in his short life had he heard of anyone moving, and it was hard for him to process what that meant.

“You won’t be next door anymore?” he finally asked, voice wavering.

Louis looked up, tears shining in his eyes, and shook his head. Harry choked on a sob, and Louis surged forward to wrap the younger boy in his arms. They gripped each other tightly, and Harry could feel Louis’ tears wetting his shirt, the only sign that it wasn't just him crying.

Harry got a crash course in what moving meant after that. He was there as Louis’ house was packed into boxes, as the van was loaded up with said boxes, and as Louis’ family drove away for the last time. He learned what it meant for someone to be living far away, and for the first time, he got what it meant to lose your best friend to other people.

There had been a million promises to keep in touch. They’d each intended to never stop calling. Each week they’d had a set time to talk on the phone. At first, they talked for hours, then one hour, and then half an hour. It took a year for one of them, Harry couldn’t remember who anymore, to break the tradition first. After that, it was broken more and more often until, three years after the move, they were hardly calling at all.

In all his life, Harry had never been quite as grateful for anything as he was the Internet. Almost as soon as he’d reached the age of using it without an adult standing over his shoulder, Louis had found him. They’d been online “friends” ever since, but they were still nothing more than that.

Harry liked so many of Louis’ statuses that he went through and liked random ones from others so he’d appear less focused on Louis. Louis would comment on Harry’s, but the comments always felt too short and too generic.

In the end, all the Internet did was remind Harry of how far away Louis was. Now it wasn’t his head creating images of Louis having fun with people who weren’t him. He got to see those images posted for everyone. He got to see the large amount of people who were friends with Louis and talked to Louis and spent time with Louis. They always looked so happy to be with him, and Harry was thankful that Louis at least had that.

None of that was to say that Harry’s social life was nonexistent. He had plenty of friends, friends who were great, and he appreciated them a lot. But none of them were a best friend. It felt like Louis couldn’t relinquish that position even from far away and even though he’d made no move in recent years to keep it.

Harry had little hope that he was more than a memory of a past friendship to Louis, but to him, Louis was still that special figure no one could outshine. It was hard to imagine it ever being different.

For several years, Harry played out this love-hate relationship with social media. He longed for the information on Louis yet was pained to see Louis’ life going on so normally without him. He spend hours obsessing over any small comment he sent to Louis while Louis seemed to blow off his to Harry with no second guessing at all.

Then came the first video, and Harry’s heart stopped beating upon just seeing the link.

He’d known Louis was starting uni far away from the place that had become his home. God knew he kept enough tabs on Louis, and Louis was open with sharing his life on the Internet. Harry knew exactly where Louis was going. It was still nowhere near Holmes Chapel.

His heart finally realized that it had blood to pump, and it sped up as Harry clicked on the video link.

“Hi,” Louis’ bright voice said through the speakers. Harry realized his headphones weren’t plugged in, and he scrambled to pause the video and grab them before Louis said anything more. Something about hearing Louis’ voice for the first time in years felt personal and for Harry alone. Despite the fact this was a public video put out there for the world to see.

“As you can tell behind me,” Louis continued once Harry was more prepared. “I’ve arrived at uni, and this is where I’ll be living. Small, I know. But it doesn’t have four little girls running around it, eh? I think it’ll do just fine.”

Louis let out a short laugh, and Harry’s heart stuttered. He hadn’t heard that laugh in so long. He felt warm inside as he remembered why it had been his favorite sound as a kid.

“So,” Louis continued. He’d become distracted with something off screen, but he readjusted the camera and his focus now, staring right into the lens. Harry could almost pretend they were making eye contact. It was embarrassing how hard it was becoming to breathe normally. “Most of you know why I’m making these, but if I forgot to tell you--Who’d be surprised?

“Since you lot were complaining about me moving so far, I decided to make these. Who knows what’ll happen once term starts. I’ll probably be too drunk or hungover-- kidding, Mum. I swear, I’m kidding. I’ll be too busy with coursework, and only coursework, to make these often. But we’ll see. Any video would be better than going without my face, right?”

Harry found himself nodding along with Louis without realizing it. His cheeks flushed, and he hung his head even though no one was around to witness his shame.

After that, the video turned into a flat tour. The place was nothing special, but Louis was charmed with having a place of his own, well, his and a flatmate’s, so Harry found the whole place charming as well.

XX

In the two years that followed, Harry expressed too much excitement over Louis’ videos. The entire thing was a bit of a fairytale on Harry’s end. In the beginning, Harry had had no clue what a Youtuber was. He’d used Youtube in the past for nothing more than cat videos. And in the early days, the comments of Louis’ videos had been filled with people who knew Louis in real life, people from his college.

But it didn’t take long for more people to find Louis’ videos. Soon, the comments were full of people who had never met Louis yet found him just as enthralling as Harry did. Louis had his own fan club, and Harry couldn’t say he was surprised by the turn of events.

The attention led to Louis being more consistent with videos, even developing a schedule that was unlike him. The entire thing was almost a career, even if Louis was still studying business. There was little doubt in Harry’s mind that he could make it as a Youtuber for the rest of his life with the way his subscriber count continued to go up.

Along with the videos, those first two years came with a steady stream of uni friends that Louis made. At first, there was a lot of diversity, with most people showing up once or twice before they were never seen again, but eventually, the same group of people appeared again and again. Harry could tell that Louis was settling into a group of friends, and those friends made regular appearances as the friendships strengthened.

Louis had yet to call any of them his best friend on camera, and Harry didn’t think he was prepared for that moment to come. He wondered which one of them had the title, but he didn’t actually want to know.

Harry commented on every video, not feeling the least bit ashamed. At first, it was an opportunity to talk to Louis, but now he was little more than another one of Louis’ thousands of subscribers. There was little sense in believing Louis saw his comments in the flood that he got every five minutes. And that just made the whole thing sting a bit more.

Gemma and his mum were both aware of the videos. They mentioned them from time to time, but Harry didn’t get the impression they watched every single one like he did, just the ones that garnered the most attention.

Still, they knew enough to have picked up on what university Louis was currently at. If they thought anything was up when Harry announces where he had decided to attend, they didn’t say anything about it.

Because he didn’t have an excuse for why he was attending the same university as Louis Tomlinson. It was exactly what it looked like on the surface, and although Harry felt a bit ashamed, it wasn’t enough for him to stop himself or to go somewhere else. (Besides, this university was huge, and in all likelihood, Harry would have wound up there with or without Louis. There just so happened to be a Louis.)

He had lost all hope of getting Louis’ attention online, so he had to do it in person. If that meant choosing Manchester for uni, then that’s what he had to do.

Harry’s anticipation was so high that Louis was the only thing on his mind when he was settling into his dorm. Little of his awareness had been devoted to the fact that he was starting university and living away from home. Even once his mum and Gemma were gone, Harry’s mind was consumed with only Louis and getting to know his roommate Niall.

Niall, as it turned out, was as friendly as they come, and he had Liam from across the hall in their room within ten minutes of being moved in. Liam was a sophomore, more than likely had friends of his own, but he appeared up for more, chatting with Niall as if he’d known him for years. Harry wondered if none of Liam’s other friends were there yet, or if he just didn’t care enough to catch up with them immediately.

He also wanted to know if Liam had ever seen Louis around campus, but he wasn’t outrightly asking that one.

“Mate, I’m so ready,” Niall went on in a booming voice. Harry could already tell he’d be loud at all times. It was a trait Harry had always admired in Louis, but coming from Niall, someone he’d just met, Harry wasn’t as charmed.

“Uni is going to be great,” Niall continued. “I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome,” Liam agreed, but his voice wasn’t quite matching the level of enthusiasm that Niall was exuding. University had already become too commonplace to Liam for that. “I’m sure you’ll fit in great, find your people, go to awesome parties, all that.”

It sounded a bit like the standard reassurance to dump on new students, so Harry wasn’t sure how genuine it was. Not that Liam would lie. Everything was pointing towards him being a nice bloke, but Harry got the impression that Liam was feeling a bit overwhelmed by Niall. Harry couldn’t blame him. He was still feeling a bit like that himself. Niall was someone you had to get used to.

Harry only half paid attention to what came after that. He was still rummaging around through a couple of boxes, the ones he hadn’t wanted his mum or Gemma unpacking. None of it needed to be out yet, but it gave him something to do. Otherwise he would have to insert himself into Niall and Liam’s conversation or sit there doing nothing.

He found the oldest pictures he’d brought with him, the ones that feature Louis as a child, and he hesitated. A quick glance told him that neither Niall or Liam were paying attention, but Harry didn’t want to risk pulling them out. It was likely neither or the boys would know who Louis was or recognize him as the person in the pictures if they did. But it still felt like a risk. He’d felt like he’d needed the pictures with him while packing, but now he didn’t have a clue what to do with them.

He couldn’t explain why he was still hanging onto photos of his childhood best friend who he hadn’t spoken to since he was five. Harry hadn’t even let his mother see inside this box.

Harry shoved them back down, covering them with a blanket that was also in the box. It was too early in the year for him to need the warmth it provided, and it added an extra layer of protection for the photos if anyone decided to snoop. Not that he’d pegged Niall as that sort of person. It was just a precaution.

“My old roommate Zayn went and transferred this semester,” Liam said. Harry froze. He recognized the name Zayn from Louis’ videos, but it could easily be a coincidence. This school was massive, could have a thousand guys named Zayn for all Harry knew. “Real shame. I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do this year, but Zayn worked it out for me. Got his friend Louis to room with me instead. Seems like a nice bloke, but I don’t know him well. Just never got the chance to talk.”

Harry thought his windpipe might have been closing up. Was this what hyperventilating felt like? He’d never experienced it before. His entire body was alert, and there was a ringing in his ears. Still, some small sliver of his brain was able to remember that he needed to act nonchalant. Now was not the time to go into some long, sordid story about his and Louis’ history.

And this had to be Harry’s Louis because Harry’s Louis has a friend named Zayn, and how many guys named Louis have friends named Zayn? Not many.

“He here yet?” Niall asked, oblivious to the state his roommate was in. Harry hadn’t turned to look at them, but he could see them from the corner of his eye. Neither of them had glanced in his direction since Zayn was first mentioned.

“Nah,” Liam said, shrugging as if it didn’t make much of a difference. “He’s on the school footie team, and I think they had practice or something.”

“Already?”

Liam shrugged again. Harry had sat down on his bed, not caring about looking like the odd one out of the conversation anymore as he watched the other two boys.

“I guess,” Liam said. “Maybe it’s just his commitment. I’m not sure. Zayn did mention that he gets crazy driven right before and during the season, can’t think of much else. I imagine he’ll always be out there. May not see him much.”

Niall whistled. “Shit. Sounds like he may be one of those obsessed lads.”

Harry bristled at that. Like Niall had any right to make judgments without meeting Louis first.

“He does Youtube too, like vlogging or something, I think it’s called.” Liam’s voice betrayed the sense of confusion he felt. “I don’t know. I don’t get the Youtuber thing if I’m being honest.”

Niall looked unsure about the idea too, but he was curious.

“We talking, like, one of those guys with fangirls or someone whose mum just watches?"

Liam shrugged even though he offered an answer.

“Zayn made me look at the channel once, and it looked like a lot of people watched? I’d say he’s pretty legit. Whatever that means when it comes to Youtube.”

“Mate, I need to know that channel.” There was an urgency in Niall’s voice, and he was already leaning forward to reach for his laptop.

Liam looked flustered. “I don’t know it,” he admitted. “All I know is Louis Tomlinson. That’s it.”

Niall didn't respond, just pulled the laptop open and started typing something. It took a couple minutes of awkward silence, the only sound Niall taping on the keys, before Niall found it.

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed, leaning in closer to the screen. “More than a million subscribers? How do you do that? Wait. Forget I asked. He’s fit, right? Most of these are teen girls. Of course there are a million of them.”

He was still clicking around, and Harry’s heart beat quickly. Harry couldn't decide why. It wasn't like he was being put on the spot. Still, he’d never been able to see someone react to Louis’ videos like this. It was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. It almost felt like it was Harry’s videos they had found.

Niall clicked on a video, and Louis’ voice got louder as Niall raised the volume. Butterflies fluttered in Harry’s stomach as he listened. He remembered this video. It was one of Louis’ most popular, and Harry re-watched it all the time. His coming out video.

The one Louis had posted last year after spending a year making videos. His mostly straight, female fanbase had gone crazy. While most had been supportive, they’d been going on about heartbreak for days in the comments.

It had been one of the best days of Harry’s life, only brought down by the fact that Louis cried. It was the only time he’d cried on camera, and that had broken Harry’s heart for different reasons than it had the girls’.

Watching Niall’s and Liam’s faces as the video played made Harry realize that this was a good way the judge how okay they were with someone being gay. Harry hadn’t said anything to Niall about it, didn’t know if Niall realized. Harry hadn’t hidden it. He even added Niall on Facebook where he’d put that he was interested in boys, but he didn’t think Niall would have looked too closely. More likely than not, he was clueless.

Harry hadn't been nervous about admitting his sexuality since he first came out, but knowing he had to live with Niall for an entire year, made it a bit nerve-wracking. Harry couldn’t afford for him to disapprove or to say he was fine with it when he wasn’t.

Liam already seemed to know about Louis, even if he’d never seen this video. He was watching intently, but it wasn't with the same expression that Niall was making that hinted at new information. Considering Liam knew Zayn, Harry doubted Liam could not have known.

Even though the video was still playing, Harry could see that Niall was scrolling down, most likely to where the comments were on the page. Niall’s eyes scanned the screen, reading comment after comment.

“Wow,” he breathed. Harry wasn't sure how much attention Niall was giving to the video itself anymore. In the short period of time Harry had known Niall, he'd been picking up on things, and one of those was that Niall had a short attention span. “He gets all these fangirls just from sitting in front of a camera and talking?” Niall continued. “I’m becoming a Youtuber!”

Harry didn’t get the impression that Niall would be able to apply his initial enthusiasm into actually making videos. If he did, they’d be unedited webcam videos and nothing more. It’d still get him some subscribers but not like Louis. It took a certain charisma to get as many subscribers as Louis had in Harry’s opinion.

“Bloke seems cool enough,” Niall commented, clicking out of the video and silencing Louis’ voice.

No comment was made about Louis’ sexuality, so Harry supposed that he could count on Niall not being openly cruel. That was better than nothing.

“Maybe he’ll want to hang out here some.” Harry’s breathing became shallow at Niall’s suggestion. “Who knows, I could ask him for some advice on how to achieve that. Think he’d promo me?”

Liam wasn't interested in talking about the technical aspects of Youtube. “I don’t know. Like I said, I barely know the guy. And I know how this whole Youtube thing works even less.”

“Could be fun,” Niall muttered to himself. His eyes were scanning something on the screen again.

Liam couldn't be bothered to watch whatever it was that Niall was doing. His eyes landed on Harry instead, whose initial reaction was to stiffen. It was the first time either Niall or Liam had looked at him in an hour, although Harry knew he could have inserted himself into the conversation at any point if he’d wanted to.

The room had gone quiet except for the tapping on Niall’s keyboard. Harry and Liam had hardly spoken since Liam entered the dorm, but Harry liked Liam. Only partially because he provided the best link to Louis that Harry had managed to achieve so far.

“Hey, Haz,” Niall said before Liam could speak. It startled Harry because he wasn’t expecting the nickname. Niall hadn’t referred to him as anything but Harry before. They hadn’t discussed nicknames. Harry thought those were supposed to take a bit longer than one day to develop.

“Yeah,” he replied, having to clear his throat immediately afterward once it cracked.

“Happen to know anything about Youtube?”

Harry’s face immediately reddened. This was why he hadn’t been speaking before. How much did he admit? There was no way he could admit it all yet.

“I watch some people,” Harry replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Niall and Liam both looked at him as if something about his answer was suspect. Harry shifted under their gazes but didn't offer any more information than he’d already given.  
“Like who?” Niall asked. Harry wasn’t sure if the questioning was from some desire to find more people to emulate for his own hypothetical channel, if he was trying to get to know Harry, or if something else was at play here.

Harry shrugged. There wasn't much else he could do because, truthfully, he only watched Louis and collab videos that Louis did with other Youtubers. He was subscribed to most of the people Louis had collabed with, especially the ones Louis was close with, but Harry didn't keep up with their videos, watched one every several months if it caught his interest.

Maybe that would still be enough to ward off Niall. Harry threw out two random names, one of whom collaborated with Louis over the summer. Niall never had to know that was the only reason her name came to mind.

Niall didn't respond. There was more taping on the keyboard, and Liam’s attention had gone back to the computer too.

“Hey,” Niall said. “There’s Louis again.”

It took a split second for Harry to work out what had happened. Niall had gone to the channel that Harry suggested and seen the screencap for the collab video. It couldn't have been that far down considering how recent it was. Harry’s cheeks flushed.

“You know about him then?” Liam asked, one eyebrow raised.

Harry was hyper aware of the fact that Liam was living with Louis. Even if they weren't close, Liam knew Louis more than he did Harry. Anything Harry said here was fair game for being passed on.

Harry shrugged. It was supposed to look indifferent, but he doubted that it was a success. “I think I might have seen him before. Who knows. I don’t always keep up with every video the people I’m subscribed to put out.”

It was true enough. He just left out the part about watching every single one of Louis’ videos.

Niall accepted that comment, already looking at the computer screen instead of Harry as he continued to scroll through channels. Liam, however, allowed his eyes to linger on Harry for a few seconds longer, and Harry made sure to file away the knowledge that Liam was the more observant of the two.

Liam’s phone buzzed, and he read the incoming text with a grin.

“My girlfriend,” he explained. “I need to go meet her. I’ll see you lads later?”

Niall nodded, still only looking at the computer. Harry was more receptive, giving Liam a smile as he left. As soon as the door shut behind him, Harry shifted again. He stood a much better chance of Niall not questioning him about Louis more than he did Liam, but he knew Niall was still on Youtube. And Harry didn't want to talk more about it.

“I think I’ll go explore campus,” Harry announced, standing up and stretching. “Get a better feel for where everything is.”

Niall put his computer down and said, “I’ll go with you.”

That hadn’t been Harry’s plan. He’d wanted to scope out the football field, see if he could get his first in person glance of Louis in more than a decade. Now, that wasn't happening.

But he couldn't explain that to Niall, so he nodded in agreement and accepted his new roommate following him out the door. They had to live together, and Harry was thankful Niall wanted to get to know him instead of gallivanting off with other potential friends. In other circumstances, he would be thankful for it.

The entire campus was buzzing with activity. Everyone, both new and old students, amped up that they were here. Friends called to each other after not seeing one another for months. Here and there students as new as Niall and Harry looked around, trying to commit the landmarks to memory.

It was nice. Harry thought he’d be happy here. There was nothing to complain about.

He managed to steer Niall in the direction he thought the football field was in without being too obvious. It was reasonable enough to want to explore all the parts of campus. Eventually, they found it, and Harry saw players scattered across the field and even more along the sidelines. There wasn't much else in this area of campus, so Niall’s attention was on the field too. Harry didn't have to disguise his curiosity.

“Wonder which one’s Tomlinson,” Niall said, which gave Harry an excuse to search him out.

Harry spotted Louis before Niall, recognizing him easily. “There,” he said, pointing. When Niall raised an eyebrow at him, Harry couldn't figure out what he’d said wrong.

“How d’you know?” Niall asked, showing suspicion for the first time, and Harry thought that, of course, it would be his fault that he ruined it when he could have kept quiet. It hadn’t occurred to him that Niall only knew that Harry had heard Louis’ voice, not seen him.

“I’ve seen him in a couple of videos.” Harry covered his tracks as best as he could. “I remember it now.”

He thought it was a reasonable excuse, but even though Niall nodded, Harry could tell he hadn’t accepted it. He still suspected that Harry might be hiding something. Apparently though, he couldn't be bothered to push it. Maybe Niall thought it was too early in their friendship for him to try, and Harry would agree that it was. He still hadn’t ruled out explaining himself to Niall one day, but ideally, it would be after a time when he was speaking to Louis again. Then Niall knowing wouldn’t make Harry feel like such a loser if Louis never wanted to speak to him again.

Neither of them mentioned Louis the rest of the time they were exploring the campus. Harry wished he could have stayed on the sidelines of the field, watched even more, but that would have been too good to be true.

He did have fun with Niall, and he tried to focus on that instead of Louis. While Louis was a big reason he was here, Harry knew he needed to focus on all the other puzzle pieces that made for a good uni experience. He needed a group of friends, not just Louis, and Niall was the best contender for that position so far. Harry liked him more and more the longer they talked. Traits Harry had initially found annoying out of an impatience to see Louis, weren’t as bad once he’d talked gotten to know Niall. He thought they’d get along well. Maybe great.

XX

For the first several weeks of classes, Niall and Harry grew closer, and Harry was thankful for it since he was having no luck with Louis.

Adjusting to his classes proved more work than Harry had expected, which meant it took more time too. Any time not spent on school involved Niall jumping in and, for the most part, steering Harry towards different activities.

He thought he was doing Harry a favour. Within the first couple days, Niall had gathered a large group of friends, and Harry was so thankful that he hadn’t been forgotten for someone better that he wasn’t going to complain. He went along with it happily, trying to ignore that he had yet to see Louis other than the glimpse of him on the football field.

Because Louis was hiding. That was the only explanation.

They saw Liam a lot. Harry swore he was in their dorm as often as he was in his own, but he never bothered to mention Louis. Harry didn’t know if Louis was never there, causing Liam to seek out company, or if Louis always needed the dorm to himself, forcing Liam out. Harry suspected the former because they never hear commotion from there like they do other dorms. And the way Liam acts hints more at wanting to spend time with people and not being able to in the confines of his own room.

It had become harder to watch Louis’ videos, a problem Harry hadn’t anticipated.

Harry couldn’t watch them with Niall in the room. No matter how pointedly Harry turned his laptop screen away from Niall, Niall would creep over every single time. It wasn’t always out of a desire to snoop, sometimes he just prefered sitting on Harry’s bed instead of his own. It made doing anything online a privacy hazard, and Harry dared not go to Youtube if Niall was in the room.

But it was rare for him to have a moment alone. If he wasn’t in class or begging off when he needed to study, then Niall had dragged him somewhere else a good ninety percent of the time.

If Niall found Harry shoving his laptop away every time he came in the dorm suspicious, then he couldn’t be bothered to say something about it. It took a week for Harry to realize that Niall thought he was looking at porn or something, and as much as Harry wanted to defend himself, he didn’t have a better excuse that he was willing to give. So he let Niall think whatever he wanted.

That concern was secondary to something else anyway: the majority of Louis’ new videos were filmed in his dorm. It was the same dorm he’d seen glimpses inside of whenever Liam came and went, even if he’d never stepped inside. But Harry didn’t know how Louis was managing it. Harry wasn’t a Youtuber himself, but he knew enough to know that Youtubers needed time in front of the camera when they filmed. Enough time that Harry should have stumbled upon Louis filming one at least once.

These rooms weren’t soundproof. There had been more than enough proof of that throughout the term so far. If Louis had filmed these videos while he was in his own room, Harry should have heard. He had heard Niall and Nathan playing FIFA from all the way down the hall when he’d come back to the dorm the other day. Sure, they’d been particularly loud, but so was Louis in most of his videos. Harry didn’t understand it.

Liam was as good of a source Harry had if he were looking for an answer, but he didn’t dare bring it up.

Luckily, one day, Niall decided to prove why he had become such a fast friend to Harry.

Niall and Liam were playing FIFA, and Harry was using the fact that they were both occupied to scroll through Facebook, namely Louis’ profile. It looked the same as it had in past years. There were pictures with various friends, even a few with Liam, Harry noted. And status updates about football and videos and things like that. But there was nothing about filming the videos, no hints about what schedule Louis was keeping in regards to filming.

That was when Niall asked the question.

“How much you actually see that roommate of yours?”

Harry’s head shot up instinctively. Both boys had their eyes fixed on the TV screen, not willing to look away and risk losing.

“More than I thought I would to be honest,” Liam admitted, and Harry’s heart hammered in his chest. Liam was with them a lot. If he was also spending time with Louis, how had they not overlapped?

“All his classes start as early in the day as possible,” Liam continued. “And I think he gets up even earlier than that for football stuff, but I can’t be sure. I’m always asleep.”

That explained a little bit. Harry’s classes were in the afternoon. Louis was already out whenever he woke up.

“He’s usually in the dorm whenever I get back from class.”

Harry wanted to bang his head on the wall if it wouldn't have brought any attention to himself. Liam finished classes about an hour or two before Harry did. Louis was filming his videos while Harry was in class.

“We usually hang out for a bit after that, and then he goes off who knows where. Footie? Other friends?” Liam shrugged. “After that I rarely see him before I go to bed, and I don’t go to bed early, mind you. I’m not sure how much the bloke even sleeps. Maybe he’s sleeping somewhere else.” Liam shrugged again.

Harry didn’t have to try to hide his interest anymore. Niall’s brow was furrowed so intently that he’d paused the game to look at Liam.

“No offense, mate, but that’s kind of weird.”

Liam didn’t look offended by Niall’s comment at all. In fact, he looked like he agreed.

“I didn’t think he was going to be like that the first couple days or so. Those felt normal. Then, that first week, I asked him if he wanted to come over here and hang out with you guys. He got weird then, weirdest I’ve seen, managed to give off some excuse about seeing someone else, and that’s when he started keeping the weird hours.”

Harry’s eyes might have been bulging, but he couldn’t rein himself back in. He didn’t miss the way Niall and Liam glanced over at him either, like each of them had pieced together Harry’s behavior and Louis’ to notice there was a connection there.

And there had to be one. Louis didn’t just up and decide to start keeping such a strict schedule that kept him away from the dorm when Harry could be there on accident. He had no idea how Louis had managed to work out his class schedule, but somehow, he had. Harry had wondered for a long time if Louis had noticed that Harry was here from Facebook or Twitter. Now he knew that he knew, even if he'd learned of it from Liam.

Part of Harry had hoped Louis hadn’t known, and that could rule out avoidance as the reason he hadn’t seen him. But Harry couldn’t use that excuse anymore. Louis knew he was here, and not only did he not want to see him, he was actively avoiding him.

Harry was so close to him, slept across the hall every night, but he still hadn’t managed to have one conversation with Louis. And it didn’t look like he was going to any time soon.

“Weird,” Harry commented, clearing his throat when it cracked and hoping Niall and Liam would think it was from nothing but disuse. They both nodded, but it was clear that Harry’s attempt at appeasement hadn’t worked. They were both suspicious. By now Harry would consider himself close with both boys, but it still wasn’t enough for them to push him. Harry was beginning to think he would have to be the one to push their friendships to that level, and he wasn't there yet. Not when he’d have to admit that Louis seemed to be avoiding him too.

“Watched his last video,” Niall admitted.

He'd watched it while Harry was supposed to be falling asleep in fact. Harry had been able to see the screen without Niall realizing he was still awake.

“Did you?” Liam asked. “I watched him film that one.”

Niall got excited at this. “You think he’d let me watch? It’d be proper cool to see what goes on behind the scenes, how he manages to make his fans go crazy like that.”

Liam grinned in amusement. “Probably. I don’t know why he wouldn’t as long as you were quiet and all that. I couldn’t even type while he was filming, said it’d distort the audio or something.”

“Fancy,” Niall said. He’d talked several times since the beginning of school about starting a channel of his own, but Harry had yet to see him work at it. Harry could see meeting Louis pushing Niall either towards getting it done or being put off it once he saw the work first hand. “You got lights and all that in your room then?”

Liam nodded. “Huge pain in the arse too. Lou shoves them out of the way when he isn’t using them, but there’s not much of a place for them to go. And then there’s the cords and the tripod and everything. Being a Youtuber looks expensive, mate.”

The comment didn’t perturb Niall in the slightest. “Nah. You start off with a webcam, gather up enough people to make a bit of money, and then use that for the fancier stuff. It's not that bad.”

Harry could tell from Liam’s expression that they both agreed that Niall was wrong. Whether Niall was mistaken on how much Youtubers made or how expensive things like studio lights were, Harry wasn’t sure.

“I’ll ask him about it tomorrow,” Liam assured Niall.

Butterflies fluttered inside Harry’s stomach even though he wasn’t part of these arrangements. His roommate getting to spend time with Louis was the closest Harry had made it to talking to Louis himself. Although he imagined this potential meeting would happen when he was in class too.

If Niall and Louis managed to hit it off, then Harry had to see Louis at some point or another. It was difficult to believe they could both be friends with each other’s roommates without speaking for the entire year. It was Harry’s best chance.

When Liam left for his own dorm later that night, Harry had to stop himself from reminding Liam of the deal he’d made with Niall. Surely he would remember to bring it up with Louis. The bigger question was if Louis would agree while knowing that Niall was Harry’s roommate.

The next three weeks passed as if the conversation had never happened. Maybe Liam had brought it up again with Niall when Harry wasn’t around. Hell, maybe Niall and Louis had met, and Niall hadn't bothered to mention it to Harry. He wouldn’t have been surprised. But to the best of his knowledge, things were the same as always, and he was as far from seeing Louis as ever.

It was the middle of term now, and classes were becoming much more time consuming than they had been before. It was almost enough for Harry to forget about his much larger struggle over the course of the semester. Almost. There was still that small voice in the back of his head wondering about Louis, about how he was coping with classes, about how he had managed to avoid Harry all these weeks.

By now, Harry wasn’t planning to see Louis in person unless he put serious effort into it. But he couldn't bring himself to do so when Louis so clearly didn't want to see him. Managing to see Louis only to have him be angry, distant, or just straight up leave, put Harry off the idea.

That was why it was unbelievable that when he did finally see Louis it was be by a complete fluke.

Harry had just gotten out of his last class of the day, feeling relieved to be done and able to go take a nap. He was in such a good mood, humming to himself as he walked, that he almost didn’t notice the familiar figure sitting on the edge of the fountain.

The fountain had been drained several weeks ago, leaving it less impressive than it been earlier that fall, but that wasn't bothering Louis. He was laying on his back across the stone, eyes closed against the sunlight.

Harry had seen what Louis looked like now that he was older. He’d just about memorized every bit of Louis’ face through his videos, but there had been little to no opportunity to watch him like this through Youtube.

In his videos, Louis had to act high energy all the time. That was how he got attention. It wasn’t that Harry thought the person in those videos was an act. He was sure it was the real Louis, could tell from his memories of Louis as a kid. But only so much of his personality could come through in short videos designed for entertainment.

And Harry was getting to see one of those other sides for the first time since he was five.

Louis wasn’t hyper or loud or even smiling like he always was on camera. He looked peaceful out here in the sunlight, kind of like an extension of the light itself. Harry could hardly take his eyes off of him to scan the area and see who else was around them.

Hardly anyone. Certainly not Niall or Liam or anyone else who might have held suspicions about Harry and Louis.

Harry made a split second decision, knowing it could backfire. He hurried towards the fountain. This could be the only chance he got to confront Louis without Niall or Liam knowing, a fact that would benefit him if it went horribly wrong.

His feet pounded on the sidewalk, and there was little doubt that Louis could hear him approach. But he didn’t open his eyes or stir in anyway. Harry might have thought he was asleep, yet his breathing hinted otherwise.

“Louis,” Harry said, not proud of the way his voice trembled while saying the name.

Louis hadn’t heard him speak since he was eight and they'd had their last telephone call with each other. Harry would like to think his voice had changed since then, but Louis’ breath still caught in his throat, betraying both that he was awake and that he knew who was standing over him.

Louis opened his eyes but had to squint against the sun. He looked at Harry carefully, fear showing in his features. Harry didn’t know Louis well enough anymore to know whether that was a good or a bad sign.

“Harry,” Louis whispered.

Harry about died right there on the sidewalk. For so many years he had wanted to hear that voice in person again, and to hear it say his name was unbearable. On top of that, there was a fondness, a reverence to Louis’ voice that hinted he had held Harry in a lofty position in his memories.

“Hi,” Louis said, voice uncharacteristically hesitant. Louis went to sit up and almost toppled backwards into the empty fountain in the process. Harry, in a show of agility unlike him, managed to grab Louis before he fell. 

“Oops,” Harry giggled as he took a seat beside Louis.

“Oops,” Louis agreed, but he wasn’t laughing like Harry. His expression was one of shock and wonderment and, perhaps wishful thinking on Harry’s part, happiness.

Harry still couldn’t tell what the outcome of this would be, if Louis wanted him gone or not, so he chanced saying more. “It’s nice to see you.”

He packed as much emotion into his voice as he could to show his sincerity, and the sentiment made Louis’ breath catch in his throat. But he didn’t say anything right away, still staring at Harry as if he was a ghost.

“You know I’m in the dorm across from you,” Harry continued, chancing the possible confrontation. Louis could either lie or admit what had been up with the avoidance. Harry wasn’t sure what he would do if Louis claimed ignorance.

Louis still didn’t speak, but he did nod, showing that he’d been aware. This time it was Harry whose breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know where to go from there, how to ask Louis about his behavior. He’d been banking on Louis finally giving an explanation, and now it looked like he might not.

They watched each other for several long minutes, both basking in the wonder of seeing each other face to face. Harry thought that Louis was calculating all the ways Harry had changed, just like Harry was Louis.

“You’re really tall,” Louis finally said. Harry froze for a split second, not having expecting that, of all things, to be the first thing Louis bothered to really say.

“Maybe you just didn’t grow enough,” he countered. It was difficult not to smirk at the exaggerated look of offense on Louis’ face in response.

Harry hadn’t actually realized how their heights would compare. In videos, Louis was either standing alone or, if there were guests, sitting down. It was rare to see his height compared with anyone else's. Even now, Harry had yet to see Louis standing up, but just seeing him in real life, Harry could tell he was taller than Louis. For some reason, it had never occurred to him that that could be a possibility. Yes, Harry was rather tall, but in his head, Louis had always been taller, a carry over from their childhood. One of many things Harry would have to re-learn.

“I’m normal-sized,” Louis countered haughtily. “You’re the absurdly tall one.”

“Hey,” Harry whined, causing a beautiful smile to break out across Louis’ face. “I’m not absurdly tall. Take it back.”

Louis laughed, the sound turning Harry’s insides to mush. Louis Tomlinson would be the death of him.

“Okay, Curly, I take it back.”

The use of the nickname that felt so familiar from their childhoods made Harry smile larger than he could remember doing in ages. They were each beaming at each other now, and Harry had high hopes that this would end well.

If he could only figure out why Louis had been avoiding him in the first place.

“I’ve missed you.”

It was the most daring thing Harry had said so far, and the moment it was out, he wanted to sink into the ground and hide. A whole repertoire of emotions flickered across Louis’ face, none of them staying long enough for Harry to read them.

“I’ve missed you too,” Louis admitted.

They went quiet again, as if they both had to take in the weight of their confessions. Harry still felt nervous, but he also felt happy knowing that Louis had missed him even a fraction of how much Harry had missed him.

“This is easier than I thought it would be,” Louis admitted, looking down at the ground. For the first time, Harry wondered if Louis had been fueled by fear far more than hatred or even disinterest.

“You were scared of me?” Harry asked hesitantly.

Louis shrugged, his face flushed a lovely shade of pink.

“Not in the sense that I thought you’d be a terrible person or something.” Louis took in a deep breath before continuing. “I was worried I would be a disappointment. That you’d talk to me for five minutes, realize I wasn’t this awesome person you’d built up from your memories or Youtube, and then be done with me.”

Harry scooted closer, allowing his arm to press against Louis and reveling in the fact that Louis pushed back. “You didn’t worry about it happening the other way around?”

Louis’ eyes shot up in astonishment.

“You could never disappoint me.”

“Well, you could never disappoint me either, Lou.”

The expression on Louis’ face was skeptical, like Harry’s words were naive and not to be trusted. It annoyed Harry. There was nothing about his words that held any more naivety than Louis’ own.

“I’m serious,” he continued. If there was one thing he needed Louis to understand, it was this. “I’m not stupid. I realize that there’s plenty we need to learn about each other. Neither one of us are the same person we were fifteen years ago, but you’re still Louis. I’m still Harry. Nothing’s going to make me think you’re a disappointment, Lou. I just get to learn about what makes you human.”

The tint to Louis’ cheeks had become darker, and he couldn’t look Harry in the eye.

When Louis did speak, it was the confession Harry hadn’t been expecting anymore. “When I saw on Facebook that you were coming here, I freaked out. Then I got to school, and Liam told me all about Niall and Harry who he met across the hall, and the only thing my mind could tell me was to get away. I’ve been avoiding you ever since.”

“I know.”

Louis looked up at him, nodding. “I know you do. I just thought I should say it so that it’s out there in the open. I’m a shit person.”

“No,” Harry replied instinctively. Louis was startled, not expecting such a strong response. Harry’s hand shot out to capture one of Louis’ own, and Louis stared at it in surprise. “You’re not shit. I understand. I’ve been terrified of running into you this entire time.”

“But you didn’t go out of your way to avoid me.”

“I definitely didn’t set out to find you either. When it shouldn’t have been that hard if I tried.”

Louis didn’t look like he believed that, and maybe it was true that he could have evaded Harry for a long time even if Harry had tried. But the point was that he hadn’t. The fact that they were just now talking wasn’t only Louis’ fault. Harry couldn’t handle it if Louis took all that blame himself.

“I think I would have cracked eventually,” Louis admitted. “I was already letting my guard down. That’s the only reason I was out here like this and not paying attention to who was around. It was almost like I wanted you to find me. I think I knew it was you as soon as I heard someone walking towards me, even before you said anything.”

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand and then dropped it reluctantly, not wanting to cross any boundaries too soon. Regardless of how Harry had felt all these years, Louis wasn’t his best friend anymore, and they hadn’t spoken since they were little. Hand holding probably felt out of place to Louis, and Harry needed to remember that.

Louis’ eyes followed Harry’s hand for a second before looking away.

“Let’s not dwell on that,” Harry said. He swung around so that he could sit criss-cross style across from Louis, who mirrored the position. They had a better view of each other now, and Harry took the opportunity to watch Louis and his facial expressions up close. “We have to get to know each other again. Let’s worry about that.”

Louis’ smile dropped a little, and Harry remembered that Louis was nervous about this enough to avoid Harry for more than a month. Harry understood. This scared him too. In the back of his head, there was the voice that wondered if Louis would like him, if they could be friends anymore, but he wasn’t going to let those fears stop him. He had to find out for himself. And he hoped Louis would agree with that.

“Well, you watch my videos,” Louis said, his grin widening a little as if he were proud of that fact.

For the first time since coming over, Harry’s face heated up. Of course he knew that Louis knew. Harry had been one of the first people to watch, and he’d commented on every video Louis had ever posted. Even if Louis didn’t respond back anymore, it was no secret between them that Harry watched. Although he’d never been sure if Louis was still aware of his comments. While Louis appeared in the comments sections of his videos, there were too many comments for Harry’s to be noticeable, and Louis hadn’t responded to one in ages.

“I do,” Harry admitted, though he had a difficult time getting the simple admission out. “But, like you said, that’s not knowing you.”

Louis shook his head, but he looked more amused now than worried. Harry couldn’t read him well enough these days to know if it was genuine or a mask of confidence.

“No, it’s not,” Louis agreed. “But it’s still more than I’ve got on you. I just have Facebook, Twitter, and whatever. You’ve got all that plus Youtube.”

So Louis did still pay attention to what Harry posted online. Even though they were friends everywhere, Louis hadn’t responded to anything in at least a year. It had been long enough that Harry had stopped hoping that Louis was paying any attention.

“I guess so,” Harry said. “But that’s still not much for either of us.”

Suddenly, someone shouted Louis’ name from a distance away. Harry felt annoyed for a moment, thinking Louis was going to be whisked away from him just as he’d gotten to speak to him again. But then Harry managed to make out Liam, and he felt a bit better about it. He knew Liam, was friends with Liam. Louis probably wasn’t going to be taken away anywhere that Harry couldn’t follow.

It took Liam closing half the distance between them before he realized it was Harry, of all people, sitting beside Louis. His steps slowed, almost coming to a complete halt for a few seconds. He shook his head and closed the rest of the distance, choosing to stand over them instead of taking a seat on the fountain.

“This is a surprise,” he said.

Harry smiled. He couldn’t keep his eyes on Liam. They found Louis instead, and Harry was happy to see a grin on Louis’ face as well.

“Is it?” Louis mocked. “Is that why you’ve asked me more than once if I’d happened to run into that Harry bloke you'd mentioned but I hadn't met?”

Liam had the decency to look sheepish but not regretful. “Niall and I have been wondering if something was up since the beginning of term,” he admitted.

Harry had known as much, but it still felt good to hear it confirmed. He guessed that it did for Louis as well.

“Mate,” Louis continued with the same patronizing tone. “It wasn’t much of a secret. Niall wouldn’t shut up about Harry for five seconds once you pestered me to meet him.”

Apparently this was still a touchy subject for Liam as he rolled his eyes and muttered, “I told him not to do all that.”

So Niall and Louis had met. Had Niall avoided mentioning it in hopes of sparing Harry’s feelings? When Niall had first suggested it to Liam, Harry had believed Niall’s motivations were learning about Youtube. Now he wondered if there had been more to it than that. He’d suspected they were suspicious of him, not that they were interfering. That seemed above and beyond anything to expect from two guys you had met only a handful of weeks ago.

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag,” Louis announced. Harry giggled at the way Louis made it sound like he was saying something important. “Harry and I are childhood best friends. Now we’ve wondrously reunited at college after all these years and are going to live happily ever after.”

Liam rolled his eyes, used to Louis’ theatrics. “Right. You sure look like the picture of a happy ending right now. You heading back to the dorm?”

He nodded his head in the direction of their building. Louis and Harry looked at each other and shrugged. Neither of them had anywhere else to go, so they got up to follow Liam back to their building.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Liam began as they walked. Harry thought nothing good could come of an inquiry that started like that, but he already had a good idea where Liam was going with this. “What the hell has been up with you exactly? Because I’m still confused.”

Louis shook his head as if disappointed in Liam’s detective abilities. He stepped forward to wrap an arm around his friend’s shoulders.

“You and Niall are many things, Liam. But Sherlock and Watson, you are not."

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam said, wiggling out of Louis’ grasp. “We never claimed to be. We just want to know what the hell was going on. You both got super strange when each other’s names came up. Harry was super sensitive about Youtube even.” Louis shot Harry a smirk at that, and Harry had to turn away to hide his reddening face and the grin spreading across his lips. “None of it was normal,” Liam concluded. “For a while we thought it was some really strange shit.”

“Definitely not strange.” Louis packed in judgment and slight frustration into his answer. “Like I said, we were childhood best friends, hadn’t seen each other in a decade and a half. Got a little weird about seeing each other again. Now we have. Case closed.”

Liam still looked like he wanted to know more, but he had thought better than to push. He didn’t say anything else as they entered their building and made their way to their floor.  
It felt exhilarating to be making this walk with Louis, and Harry felt pathetic for admitting that even inside his own mind.

Once they’d reached their floor, Liam and Louis went towards their own door, and Harry hesitated behind them, not sure if he should follow or if they expected him to go to his own room. Louis’ eyes found him at the moment of hesitation, and with a smile and slight incline of his head, Louis told Harry everything was alright. Harry smiled back, following his friends into the room he had seen repeatedly through a screen.

Once they were inside, Harry still felt unsure. Louis and Liam had plopped down around the room, Louis on his bed and Liam in his desk chair, and Harry wasn’t sure where he was allowed. He covered it up by saying, “So this is the infamous set.”

Louis smirked, patting the bed beside him to get Harry to sit down. Harry dropped his bag on the floor and crawled across the bed to Louis’ side, his back resting against the wall.  
“Not so infamous yet,” Louis countered. “The last two dorms are better known.”

Liam had his back towards them as he messed with stuff on his desk, but Harry could tell that he had rolled his eyes.

“It’s not much more than a wall. I don’t think one can be more famous than another.”

Louis picked up a stray piece of paper, crumpling it up into a ball to launch at Liam’s head.

“I take a great deal of care with my backdrop. Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Liam allowed, spinning around to look at them. “But it still looks the same every year, right?”

“Not true. I’ve mixed it up before.”

“But this set up is the same as the end of last year, right?” Harry countered.

Louis turned to Harry with a bright smile, momentarily unable to keep up the banter. “Paying attention then, Harry, are you?”

Harry tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he smirked back. “Of course. But whether or not your background has changed isn’t exactly a game of Where’s Waldo.”

Louis shook his head, turning away from Harry.

“For that alone, I’m going to make it one. You just watch out next video.”

Harry’s stomach knotted. What did that mean? Was it a throwaway comment or was Louis really going to do something new to the background of his next video? Something that came out of a comment Harry had made.

Harry could remember when Louis’ uni friends started to be sprinkled throughout Louis’ videos, bringing inside jokes and tidbits here or there that showed how important they were in Louis’ life. Those moments were always difficult for Harry to watch because he knew he would never get a moment like that even though so much of Harry’s own life was sprinkled with moments that took him back to Louis.

Now that could change. In the future, Harry could watch one of Louis’ videos and see how he had affected Louis, how he had played an active role in his life.

“Speaking of videos,” Louis continued. “I need to film one for Friday.”

He looked towards his filming equipment, making it difficult for Harry to see his face. This might have been a dismissal, a hint that Louis needed the room to himself.

“I’ll be quiet,” Liam promised from over at his desk, already returning to whatever he had out. Harry wondered if he could get away with the same. He had a textbook in his bag that he should have been studying. He could pull it out and pretend to be reading while Louis filmed. If Louis would let him.

“You better be,” Louis shot at Liam before turning to Harry, a gentle smile on his face. “Want to be in it with me?”

Harry sputtered, unable to form a coherent thought. This possibility hadn’t occurred to him, not now. In all his daydreams of befriending Louis again, he’d thought maybe he’d be in a video in the distant future. He hadn’t expected Louis to pull him so willingly into a huge part of his life so soon.

“Seriously?” Harry asked quietly.

Louis’ smile became even gentler, something Harry hadn’t thought possible. It was an expression Harry could still remember from their childhood.

“Seriously,” Louis promised. “We can tell stories about when we were kids. It’ll be fun, and I’m sure we have plenty of material that’ll be entertaining for my subscribers. I’ve never told them about anything before, like, Year 10. Our stories felt too special, but if you’re here to help me...”

Louis had managed to kill Harry fifty times since he’d found him lying on the fountain, but this was the deepest blow yet.

“Too special,” Harry echoed in disbelief, knowing that he sounded like an idiot.

Louis’ expression was still soft, but he managed to look a little embarrassed as well.

“It’s just that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again, so I had to hold onto that stuff, you know? It’s kind of stupid because documenting it all in a video would preserve it, but preserving it publicly felt too personal. And it would have only been me. It wouldn’t have been the same without your side of all the memories too. It felt wrong. They’re as much your memories as they are mine. We share them. We should tell them together or not at all.”

Louis hardly had the last sentence out before Harry was surging into his arms, gripping him tightly and refusing to let go. A hug this intense was forward, not something you did with a distant friend you had just reconnected with, but Louis couldn’t say shit like that and not expect Harry to respond. He had to remember that much from their childhood.

“I’d love to be in one of your videos,” Harry said. He could feel Louis relax deeper into the hug, and Harry kept him there for several long minutes. Perhaps a bit too long if Liam’s bemused expression once they’d pulled away from each other was anything to go by.

This video would go online for the entire world to see. It was the equivalent of going out and screaming, “This is my friend,” to the world. Plus, these videos were such a huge part of Louis, and it would exist out there on the Internet forever. Maybe Louis didn’t see this as quite as important as Harry did, but Harry doubted that was the case. Not even Liam had managed to worm himself into one of Louis’ videos since they became roommates. Although Harry figured that was only a matter of time. Now that he’d seen them together, it was obvious they’d managed to become close since the beginning of the semester.

Louis’ setup was semi-permanent, taking up quite a chunk of the dorm. Louis had tried his best to confine it to his half of the room, but some of it had spilled over anyway. It felt strange to see the behind the scenes like this. Louis had to steal Liam’s desk chair so that they’d both have places to sit in front of the camera, forcing Liam to his bed instead.

Situating themselves in front of the camera and getting everything in place took far longer than Harry would have imagined. Niall showed up before they were ready, stretching out on Louis’ bed as if it were his own. He didn’t have an initial show of surprise that Harry was there, and Harry immediately felt suspicious that Liam was behind it. Harry hadn’t been paying attention to any potential text messages Liam might have been sending Niall's way.

“What’s this about then?” Niall asked, resting his head on his arms. He’d managed to position himself so that he was facing them, and Harry knew he would prove a distraction the entire time they were filming.

“Video,” Louis replied shortly. Harry grinned at Niall’s eye roll.

“Yeah, but about what?”

“Our old friendship stories from when we were kids,” Harry explained. He watched Niall’s face, realizing there definitely wasn’t surprise there. Either Niall was a good guesser, or Liam had managed to fit everything in texts already.

“Should be interesting,” Niall said. He settled himself more comfortably onto the mattress, showing that he intended to watch the entire process of filming unfold. Louis shot him a warning look, calling back a previous talk they’d had about being quiet while the camera was on, but he didn’t say anything out loud.

The camera clicked on, causing Harry’s stomach to flutter. He hadn’t been nervous until right at that second when what was happening hit him. There was a potential for more than a million people seeing this video, and Harry knew how protective Louis’ fans could be when they saw him with someone new. They were going to hate him.

“Hey,” Louis said gently, calling Harry’s attention back to the dorm. “You okay? We don’t have to do this.”

The look on Louis’ face caused Harry’s heart to skip a beat.

“No,” he said quickly, full of resolve. “I want to do this. I just felt a little nervous for a second. I’m fine.”

Louis didn’t look convinced, but he humoured Harry with a nod. It took several more seconds before Louis had resituated himself so that the shot was the way he wanted it. Then it was quiet for a few seconds. This might have been where they were supposed to launch into the video, but this was Louis’ channel. And Louis wasn't saying anything.

Harry glanced over to see Louis chewing on his bottom lip. He had been staring into the lights, squinting against them, but he turned to look at Harry.

“Let’s just start talking. We’ll film the intro later.”

Harry nodded along like that made complete sense. In all honesty, it felt strange. Harry wasn’t used to the idea of things being cut and pasted together to make a video. He’d never given much thought to things being re-ordered, and it felt weird knowing they would be starting with something that wouldn’t be the true start of the video.

“You remember the day we met?” Louis asked, getting the ball rolling. “Properly at least.”

Louis couldn't stop his smile, and Harry beamed back.

“Of course I do,” Harry said, managing to forget the camera was there as he focused his attention on Louis. Even Louis, supposedly the semi-professional at this, was looking at Harry far more than he was the camera. “I’d been begging Mum for days to let me go play with the boy who was always by himself next door. It took months before she let me because she was worried I’d get kidnapped on the short walk to your house or something.”

“It took her, what? A month before she trusted I could keep you safe.”

“I don’t think she actually saw you as a proper stand in for an adult, Louis. You were four. She was humouring you.”

Louis gasped in mock offense. “I would have died saving you from any would be kidnappers, and Anne knew that.”

Harry’s smile softened upon hearing Louis use his mother’s name. “Yeah, she did, and she knew full well you'd actually die too."

“But I would have gone down fighting.”

Harry didn’t have a comeback for that, just had to sit there in awe for a few seconds as Louis smirked up at him. These short, little moments would be edited out. Louis’ videos were known for being fast-paced and action-packed. They weren’t known for moments of silence where two boys stared sappily at each other. No, these moments were for them. Well, and Liam and Niall who hadn’t bothered to throw any teasing comments their way since the camera was turned on.

The lights were blinding Harry. He wasn’t used to things like this although Louis was unaffected. Harry could hardly see Liam and Niall despite knowing they were there.  
“What about that time you hit the football so hard you managed to crack your mum’s windshield,” Harry suggested, knowing that Louis’ subscribers would appreciate that one. At the time, Harry had been terrified of Jay, but it was hilarious in retrospect.

Louis groaned, trying to keep his grin off his face. “It was an accident, Mum!” Louis assured the camera.

Harry laughed and hoped it covered up the brief spike in nerves he felt when he remembered that Louis’ mum would watch this, watch them. Harry hadn’t seen her since he was five. She’d always been nice to him, but there was no telling what she’d think when she saw him now.

Louis’ hand nudged Harry’s thigh to regain his attention. It wasn’t until then that Harry realized he’d zoned out while Louis told the whole story. That wouldn’t look good on camera. “Stop worrying about my mum, Harry. I swear she’d adore you as much now as she did then. Still talks about you actually.”

“Really?”

Why would she do that? He’d just been a five-year-old who happened to be friends with her son.

“Really,” Louis promised. His grin turned into a smirk. “What about the time you spilled your juice on the cat and thought we should give her a bath?”

This time it was Harry’s turn to groan as he thought about the water soaked kitchen and the scratches his angry mother had to patch up on them both.

The back and forth kept going for half an hour, much too long for it all to be usable for the video. Yet all the memories were so precious that Harry couldn’t decide which ones were worthy of being shared with the world. He was glad that responsibility was on Louis, not him. By the time they had turned the camera off, Liam had disappeared to find his girlfriend, and Niall was asleep on Louis’ bed, snoring quietly enough that Louis assured him it wouldn’t bother the audio of the video.

Harry shook Niall awake, and they each said goodnight to Louis. It was the best Harry had felt in such a long time. He felt content, like his life had lined up and reached where it should be. It was ridiculous. Nothing could be this picture perfect. He and Louis still weren’t where they had been, but after such a long stretch of reminiscing, it felt like they were much closer than Harry had dared to hope they could be.

Something about him and Louis just clicked. It always had, and Harry had known it. They had spent a decade and a half apart, but that special thing that made them Louis-and-Harry the unit was still there. It always would be. Harry had never been as sure of that as he was in the present, and it left him feeling like he was floating around on a balloon, one he hoped wasn’t in danger of popping.

“You look like you’re high,” Niall commented as they climbed into their beds.

Harry didn’t bother with a response other than a shrug. He snuggled down into the warmth of his bed, welcoming the extra feeling of comfort it provided.

“Hey, Haz,” Niall tried again after a few moments of silence. Harry cracked his eyes open, seeing Niall in the faint light of Niall’s lamp, the only light that hadn’t been turned off. “I just have to say this one thing: You and Lou are terrifying.”

Harry frowned, pushing himself up on his elbows to look at Niall. “What?”

Niall waved away Harry’s worry. “I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

“How can anyone be terrifying in a good way?” Harry’s brain had already begun to shut off in anticipation of sleep, and he felt like he was missing something here with Niall.

“Maybe ‘terrifying’ was the wrong word. Intense, I guess. You two are fucking intense. No one has friendships like that. With the seeing each other again after so many years and giggling all over each other like the two of you. That wasn’t normal. It was heart-warming as fuck, but it wasn’t normal.”

What was Harry supposed to say to that? He’d always known his and Louis’ friendship was special, but he couldn’t launch into his feelings on the subject or Niall would think he was even crazier.

Instead of confronting it, Harry laid back down. “Good night, Niall,” he said with finality, turning his back on his roommate.

Niall echoed the sentiment but continued to watch Harry for a few moments as he thought of everything he’d witnessed that day.

“Bloody Tomlinson and Styles,” Niall muttered to himself as he burrowed into his blankets. It was possible Harry could hear him, but he didn’t care. “Next thing I know I’m going to start getting kicked out of my own room so they can do God knows what.”

Harry was thankful he had turned around when he could so that Niall wasn’t able to see the red spread across his cheeks.

XX

In the weeks that followed, Louis managed to fit himself seamlessly back into Harry’s life. If Harry wasn’t in one of Louis’ videos, then he was behind the scenes watching it all play out. He particularly loved when Louis kept messing up over and over and had to keep going until he got a good take. He’d get so frustrated and pouty, but he’d have to snap back out of it so it wouldn’t be noticeable in the take. It was things like that that kept adding to Louis’ charm.

They became attached at the hip. Niall and Liam loved to point out how co-dependent they’d become in such a short amount of time, and Niall loved to mention how unhealthy it was. But Harry couldn’t bring himself to care about any of that. Louis loved spending time with him as much as he enjoyed spending time with Louis, and that was all that mattered.

Okay. Not all that mattered. Harry wasn’t that far gone. He and Louis were managing just fine in their classes though, and they spent time with other people, even if the other was almost always there too. Eventually, things would simmer down to a more reasonable attachment, but for now, he was going to milk their feelings for all they were worth.

It had become so routine that Harry wasn’t surprised when he opened his door to find Louis lounging on his bed.

“Are you reading my sociology textbook?”

Louis shrugged, dropping the book back down where he’d gotten it. “I was skimming. Life’s boring without you, Haz.”

“'Course it is.”

Harry dropped his bag down on the ground and crawled up onto the bed beside Louis. Their shoulders pressed together, filling Harry with the usual warmth and comfort, the reassurance that Louis was back in his life. After a few moments of peaceful silence, Harry let his head fall down to rest on Louis’ shoulder, closing his eyes. It had been a long day, and he was feeling tired.

But Louis wasn’t. He aimed a soft poke to Harry’s side.

“What?” Harry groaned, reluctant to give up on a possible nap snuggled into Louis’ side.

“We need to talk.”

There was a nervousness to Louis’ voice that caused Harry to sit up rigidly.

“Not that kind of talk,” Louis clarified as soon as he realized the mistake. “A good kind of talk. Possibly. Maybe. Depending on how you feel.”

“How I feel about what?”

Louis hesitated for a second. “Me.”

“What-” Oh.

It was quiet for a few minutes as Harry searched Louis’ face, wanting to make sure that he was interpreting this correctly. He couldn’t see how he could be misinterpreting it, but he still felt the slightest bit unsure. He leaned forward, testing the waters. When Louis leaned in too, Harry felt a surge of confidence. His lips met Louis’ as warmth bubbled up inside his stomach.

The kiss started off passionate, a way of making up for the time they could have had if they’d never been separated. But it slowed into something sweeter, something that felt like a promise that whatever they had was more than something brief. These weren’t feelings that would shine brightly for a few months and then fade away. This was something more permanent than that.

Louis’ was smiling at Harry with so much affection when they pulled away from each other that Harry’s stomach twisted itself into knots.

“I like you a lot,” Harry confirmed.

Louis shook his head in exasperation. “I managed to get that.”

They smiled at each other fondly before Louis’ face became clouded.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked immediately, pushing himself further into Louis’ side even though it was hardly possible.

“Youtube,” Louis whispered, causing Harry to look at him with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “My subscribers,” Louis tried to elaborate. “They’re so… passionate? Vocal? I don’t know what you want to call it, but you know what I mean. They might come at you, Harry.”

Harry smiled at the way Louis worried about him. He wrapped his arm tighter around Louis and dropped a kiss onto his cheek.

“I think I can handle it if it means I get you.”

Louis smirked at him. “Are you going to be that cheesy all the time now?”

“I might be,” Harry said with a shrug.

“God.” Louis groaned, flopping down so that he was lying on the bed. He opened his arms, motioning for Harry to follow him. “Come here, Haz.”

Harry didn’t have to be asked twice. He slotted himself perfectly into Louis’ arms, snuggling his face into the place where Louis’ neck met his shoulder.

“Lou.” Louis hummed in acknowledgment. “You’re not a disappointment.”

Harry could feel Louis’ smile when he turned his head to press a kiss onto Harry’s temple.

“You’re not a disappointment either, Haz.”

Harry dropped a kiss onto Louis’ skin in return.

“This is so much better than a Youtube video,” Harry muttered. 

Louis responded by tracing words onto Harry’s skin until Harry was lulled into a dream world not unlike his real one.


End file.
